i don’t want to show my face today. i should journal; journaling sounds like a good remedy to my problems. i could let out emotions and find ways to express myself without spilling friends’ secrets all over someone else’s lap. and why did it take me so long to be okay with quiet, with thinking, once again. i’m sure distracting myself from my own thoughts isn’t too healthy, but i can’t help but think there’s a reason why i do it. well off to watch some tv on the internet, busy myself with photography-related things, and ignore my own stream of consciousness.

too much thinking going on and not enough concluding. or maybe i just hope for conclusions that will never actually be conclusive. since i change my mind and decide to continue a sentence even after i’ve typed a period. it takes me a while to get things out, and if i’m thinking my thoughts out loud, then you’re going to see a heck of a lot of revision until i finally come to what i wanted to say. my essays don’t just come out in one piece you know. but at least i show you. at least i don’t worry about you telling everyone about what i tell you. not because i think you won’t, just because i’m open like that.

you know i think that it’s common belief that the more closed off you are, the less susceptible you are to being hurt, but quite frankly, i’ve seen nothing but the opposite. it’s the people who are too afraid to put themselves out there a little, to trust, that seem to be most hurt in the end. i’m not sorry that i’m open, though i am sorry that i hurt you. i would change it if i could. but i can’t change that about myself, the fact that i’m human. i will hurt you, and you will hurt me. the matter is more about if the pain changes who you are; and i really don’t think you should let it.

But I just can’t get that look out of my eye.

I didn’t notice until just now how much of a contrast this photo is from the last one. But I guess it might as well be.

I need to learn to let go of things, to stop over thinking, and to start acting instead of being frozen in my thought.

Let’s see how this all plays out.

I can’t believe it’s come to this.

Please, please, please don’t hate me. Or look upon the past with regret.

(Just a clarification, this isn’t in reference to myself. I’ve just been wanting my photographs to have more meaning, and so I thought I’d try my hand at a little symbolism).