I’m not going to lie. This photo was taken and edited earlier this month when Resolution was taken and edited. I’ve tried taking pictures twice this week, neither time resulting in anything I’d consider post-worthy. I’ve been really swamped with things to do between work, school, and a social life, which is good, but if you combine it with these horrid Canadian winters, you end up with a pretty exhausted person.

Heres to hoping next week I’ll be a little less tired.

I think I’ll pace my apartment a few times
And fall asleep on the couch
Wake up early to black and white re-runs
That escape from my mouth

All I wanted was you…

Lyrics: All I Wanted – Paramore

Lock yourself up in your convent,
Close your eyes to the world outside.
You don’t need to know.
Live your life between four walls.

There’s no need for knowledge over and above
the knowledge that you need to live,
to breathe, to eat, to drink, to sleep.
Live your life in the shadows,
Hide your face in the cellar.

Glimpse into the world from your window
when you are underwhelmed.Try to understand
the every day occurrences.
Your innocence, your child-like naivety,
grants you permission to judge. You
interpret. Think you know. You
know no better.

Who told you it was right to go on this way?
Pretending your wrongs are better than others’?
You hold innocence before your face,
Using it as an excuse never to know,
Never finding a need to try.

I want to rip it from your face, your mask.
Tear it to a thousand pieces
so that you can never glue it back together.
Then you will understand the outside world.
Then you will know.
Then, hopefully, you will finally cease your judgment.

I resolve
to be more autonomous;
to understand the social conditioning I have undergone,
and do what is in my power to prevent it from controlling all aspects of my life and thought.
I must find my own half-way line between the self restraint society forces me to impose on myself,
and the self expression I desperately wish to perfect;
after I find this half-way line, I must balance my weight upon it.

I resolve to think,
to analyze myself and others,
as I have and always will;
I will try to leave just enough time for thinking,
not too little lest I find myself giddy with an empty head,
and not too much lest my thoughts weigh me down.
I have struggled with the latter frequently in past,
so I must tread carefully.

Most importantly, though,
I resolve
to grow; to expand my learning in all that I can
and to not be afraid,
lest I hold myself back unnecessarily.

These are my resolutions.

Most of my life is spent in confusion. I am for the most part utterly aware of the chaos I’ve been hurled into. Sometimes, though, in rare moments of clarity, I feel peace in my reflections. Things aren’t so bad, life isn’t so cruel, the universe isn’t so void of direction and meaning. In those rare moments, I find hope. I’m able to comprehend what I’ve wanted to know for weeks. And most often, it’s just simply recognizing that I’ve been on the right track, and that things will be okay, no matter which direction I end up headed. I have been doing alright, and I will be okay.

white light

No make up whatsoever. That’s all light. Minimal processing with curves and the heal tool. That’s about it.

Okay so I spent the whole morning taking pictures instead of studying. But it was worth it, right?

My thoughts are all over the place right now. It feels like the more school work I do, the more I procrastinate on doing it. I have a paper due tomorrow that I haven’t started (although I have planned it out, so I suppose that counts for something). I have so much to sort out during the two week break that I doubt it’ll be long enough to actually feel like a break. But I’m definitely ready to be out of school for a while, so I’m glad it’s fast approaching.

Age old questions and contemplative thinking.